Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Pregnancy signs and symptoms, test and denial

Image from

Let's start from the beginning.

When: 21 Feb 2009, Saturday
Where: Sunway Pyramid (a huggeeeee shopping mall in suburban Petaling Jaya, Malaysia)

Daddylicious was away for golf. I was in NEED for a manicure treatment. It was, a beauty emergency. As my usual manicure place require appointments and they are in Bangsar (way further away than Sunway), I decided to head to Sunway to search for a manicure place. Now, previously Sunway was a decent shopping mall. A size of 3 football fields with 4 floors but it was amongst my first time there after the renovation. Now, it tripled the old size! with many many wings and many many parking entrances.

To say it simply, i was an ant trapped in Victoria Beckham's Birkin's collection looking for an unknown unnamed manicure place. As i was wandering my way through the heavy weekend crowd, looking for this elusive shop, i got lost. often in the opposite wing where i was supposed to be in, according to Sunway Pyramid's confusing gigantic map placed at the END/START of each wing. I went around the shopping mall twice. covering 3 floors. i started to sweat. i started to feel flustered. and hot. and LOST. and angry. angry at Sunway. angry at my husband (Daddylicious) for playing golf that day. angry at this couple of teenagers holding hands! and then, in the crowded weekend in the middle of the wing, i started to cry.

CRY! alone! in the middle of everything. and i said to myself
"oh F*ck." (the irony, i know)
So i ran to the nearest public bathroom and shut myself in a cubicle all the time asking myself,
"why the hell are you crying?!!"
"Need to clear head. need to calm self. need to find that magic manicure place"
Lo and behold i found A Cut's Above even though it wasnt what i was looking for. The same franchise in Bangsar i usually do my hair and manicure. As i was being calmed by one set of hands giving me a shampoo and another set of hands lovingly stroking my fingers, i begin to have my suspicion.

As soon as i arrive home. I Googled 'Pregnancy symptoms' and 'Am I Pregnant?' and 'How to know you're pregnant' 'and begin ticking, or in my case doubting the boxes. The questions are same for every site. So let's borrow this list from

Breast changes. Blue veins running across the breast - breast tenderness - darkening of the areolas.
-eeeh. no. still normally dark areolas. how much darker can it go? black?

. A result of the expanding uterus at around the time the menstrual period is due.
-eeehh..nope. nothing.

Fatigue. Hormones run rampant during pregnancy and the side effect is extreme fatigue, especially for a first time mom.
-hmm maybe. I've always been lazy but extreme laziness to wake up in the morning have kicked in recently. Maybe i'm just don't want to go to work? not that i am known to be a morning person anyhow. hmmm...maybe. half tick. That word "hormones" might be it. But then again. I am a woman...with hormones. not balanced hormones.

Food cravings or aversions. Sometimes those funny little food cravings or aversions will appear right away.
-ai nope.

Frequent urination.
This occurs during the first trimester and the last trimester. Early on it is due to the swelling of the uterus over the bladder. As the baby and uterus grows it will lift off the bladder giving some relief during the 2nd trimester.
-what kind of question is this? i drink a lot! its hot here. drink=urinate. nothing new.

High basal body temperature.
If you chart your temperature - it will continue staying in the high range because of the progesterone running through your body. Sometimes on a fertility chart you may even see a third level of hi
gh temperatures called "triphasic". This is a possible indication of implantation taking place. This is among the first month pregnancy symtpoms.
-huh? not that i understand but lets half-tick based on Sunway shopping mall marathon before.

Implantation spotting.
This can occur anywhere from 3 to 12 days post ovulation. This sometimes happens when the fertilized egg burrows into the uterine lining
-hmm nope

Morning sickness. The effects of the pregnancy hormones can cause morning sickness with or without vomiting even before you know you are pregnant.
-the most common. but NOPE!

So i scored 1/8. Tiredness that can be mistaken as laziness. and one word about 'hormones' and increased body temp that can be questioned by my head exploding while looking for that elusive shop. wheres the "YOU WILL SUDDENLY CRY FOR NO REASONS AT ALL IN A SHOPPING MALL!" ????. Yeah. Fantastic.

I even failed at another list which state missed period. but only for those whose period comes regularly. Mine doesn't. So i fail.

It was still in the 'maybe-im-just-being-paranoid' stage.

My reasonings why i can't be pregnant:

I only stopped The Pills late December 2008. That's less than 2 months ago. I'm not the healthiest person. I was only 46kg. hardly the optimum weight to get pregnant. My periods were irregular before The Pills so its not meant to be regular after The Pills. Can't .be .pregnant. We're not trying! just leave it to Fate. to God.

When: 22 Feb 2009, Sunday morning.
Where: home

Extreme laziness/fatique sets in. but somehow manage to ask hubby to go to pharmacy and get me a pregnancy kit. his response? a blank stare. so in all my non-patience had to shout,

After i peed on a stick, waited the longest 2 minutes i have ever endured, my life turned upside down.

Just for those who never peed on this particular set of stick. We used a ClearBlue Pregnancy Test kit. You are supposed to wait 2 minutes (3-5 minutes to be sure) or until the line in the second window appears in 2 minutes. We saw it clear as day less than a minute. and we waited 10 minutes to look again just to be extra extra sure. There were questions of course as we anxiously looked at the blardy stick even though its clearly evident it's positive.
"is the line clear?" "is that the line?" "don't you think its faint?" "it's not that clear, right?" "the line is faint! what does that mean?" "is this thing accurate????"
It is accurate. We have our proof right beside us now.

The 2 blue lines showing a cross appeared.

The video of my reaction.
I was obviously in shock. and nearly in tear
s. Except at that time. i wasn't sure whether it was of joy or fear.

Me? Pregnant?

When: 23 Feb 2009, Monday morning.
Where: Dr Pearl's clinic

In the doctor's office, the 2 blue lines appeared again.

1 comment:

New beginnings said...

I've always wanted an actual picture of a positive pregnancy test. I never took a pregnancy test. I didn't see my pregnancy coming because I was also on pills. The signs and symptoms were evident but I was still in denial for a couple of days. I was in denial for so long that by the time I admitted it to myself, I knew it was better to check with a doctor.